I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Alive.
So much puke
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
