talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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