I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
