Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
