i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
