dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
