she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
