i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
