conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
