Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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