it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
