nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
