it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
