If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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