Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize