OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
