My room smells like vodka and shame
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
