dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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