I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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