you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize