Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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