my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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