Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
