It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
