put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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