so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
