she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
