My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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