You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize