So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
