franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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