is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
