i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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