If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
