You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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