it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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