I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
