i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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