everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
the raccoons are back...
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