any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
