All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
