Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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