i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
