he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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