How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
