we have officially lost it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
