pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize