I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
