According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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