Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
