Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
