College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize