The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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