she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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