On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
