you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
