he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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