there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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