If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
