Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
