you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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