The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
