Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
