It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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