proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I want a musical about memes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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