i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
