OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Randomize
