If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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