Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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