Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
