the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
