drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
