I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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