Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
